the-BA : 2004 Digest (continued)

Muppets - UK's favourite screen scientists

July

It’s a month for high profile people making pronouncements on scientific issues… Prince Charles speaks out about his hopes and fears on nanotechnology, Ron Reagan Jr. backs US Presidential candidate John Kerry’s stance on stem cell research, and wind farms come under attack from Noel Edmonds.

Tony Blair hints that the key to combating climate change may lie in a new generation of nuclear power station, a view shared by (shock horror!) some environmentalists.

Ig Nobels founder Marc Abrahams reveals that Britain is leading the field in investigating the link between sexual activity and facial hair (Noel Edmonds again?).

As the world marks the 35th anniversary of the moon landings, striking new images of Saturn’s rings are relayed by the Cassini spacecraft. The Sun finds David Beckham’s missed Euro 2004 penalty in the photographs.

Professor Stephen Hawking admits that he got it wrong over black holes in his seminal work, A Brief History of Time. Millions of people who originally bought the book admit that they never actually made it that far.

August

Scientists in Japan produce a trout that gives birth to salmon, confusing sushi eaters throughout their country.

4x4s, in the news earlier in the year when London’s Mayor Ken Livingstone branded their owners “idiots”, make a return to the headlines, blamed for an increase in dust in the atmosphere.

Meanwhile millions brace themselves as they prepare their breakfast after a US scientist warns them a new Big Bang could occur in their Rice Krispies. Their anxiety is calmed following a glass of Prozac-laced tap water.

September

At the BA Festival of Science, a psychologist claims beauty may not be in the eye of the beholder – babies as young as 5 hours can recognise a pretty face. Also, it is revealed that in London decomposing pigs are helping the police with their enquiries. Plus, scientists find traces of methane on Mars, or, as the Daily Sport reports it, scientists find Martian farts.

Space scientists the world over watch in horror as Hollywood Stunt Pilots fail to catch the Genesis probe, returning to Earth with samples of solar dust rather swifter than anticipated, and with somewhat more of a bang.

Flatulence hits the headlines again later in the month as scientists develop a vaccine against that great contributor to global warming, sheep farts. "Boffins say ewe-reek-a!" declares the Sun.

Scientists from the SETI Project try to scotch rumours that they have received a signal from deep space. “Let’s pray that there’s intelligent life somewhere else in space,” sang Monty Python in The Meaning of Life. “’Coz there’s bugger all down here on Earth.”

Speaking of which, dear Dr Panos Zavos returns, surpassing even himself with claims that he has created viable embryos by fusing dead people’s cells with empty cow eggs.

Meanwhile, a vote to find the UK’s favourite screen scientists is topped by Muppets. This is seen as a good omen for the US Presidential elections.

October

Scientists make a startling discovery that will make us question what it is to be human, reports the press – the remains of an 18,000-year old metre-tall human. The press quickly nickname it ‘hobbit’, much to its discoverers’ horror.

News that daffodils could fall victim to climate change brings gloom to Wales, but the Scots find cheer in predictions that it could also bring vineyards to Scotland.

Michael Fish retires as a weatherman just in time to avoid having to forecast the unpredictable, the weather in a changing climate. TV shows that clip just one more time…

As George W. Bush seeks re-election, stem cell research and human cloning become a big issue. Veteran stem cell campaigner Christopher Reeve dies as the UN is due to begin debating human cloning.

Scientists finally work out why cats are so temperamental. Despite their cushy lifestyles, it seems they are as stressed as we are.

November

George W. Bush is re-elected President of the US.

HM the Queen receives praise for voicing her concerns over climate change and urging action by the US. But it could all be too late – scientists say there is evidence of a feedback mechanism in the Arctic, speeding up melting of the ice caps.

Scotland unveils plans to become the first country in the UK to ban smoking in public places. The Government finally bows to pressure and announces plans for a UK-wide ban on smoking in restaurants and cafes and most pubs, as well as plans to tackle obesity…

…Just as the Monster Thickburger is introduced to Britain, containing more calories than the average annual diet of a developing country. “It’s not a burger for tree-huggers”, says one of the executives behind it.

The University of Exeter announces plans to close its Chemistry Dept. Sir Harry Kroto returns his honorary degree to the university in outrage.

December

It is revealed that climate change is literally causing the Inuit to be lost for words, with nothing in their vocabulary for some species that they are now seeing. Michael Crichton, bestselling author of Jurassic Park, announces his next novel, which will feature climate change as a myth – on the standard of his previous works, one might wish he too were lost for words on the subject.

Scientists warn that using a laptop on your lap could affect men’s fertility by raising the temperature of there scrotums. This timely story allows one techy website to pun “Chestnuts roasting on an open FireWire”.

Meanwhile, makers of a BBC2 documentary use face reconstruction techniques to reveal the true face of Santa Claus. CBBC describes him as “a bit of a bruiser”. No presents for them, then.

And finally…

Well, that’s 2004 digested. There were times when the news was hard to swallow for all but the iron-stomached, but I’ve sensibly stopped this summary just before Christmas when the real indigestion sets in.

Festive greetings from the BA!

Craig Brierley

The views represented in this article do not represent the views of the BA.

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